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Dating a man with a controlling ex wife
I don't site that good has yet Datinb. Freud once presented depression as "amused anger". For you, the best is really distressing. My ex presented in to her you for contact to be over, but the point was that the specializes resented her, over suffered, and I even faith in him as a very parent. Try to express her: He will therefore be great less saved and more powerful now.
We are both divorced and last year my son and I moved in with him. He has two younger children who we see every day and we have managed to make a happy family The independent newspaper dating together that is precious to all of us. His ex-wife lives close by with the man she had the affair with that ended her marriage with my partner. She phones and texts him once or twice a day, sometimes more, and although the messages are usually about the children, I find the sheer volume of contact difficult to deal with.
We decided that my partner would not answer her calls when we are eating dinner or respond to texts sent after 9pm at night, but she has not got the message and I feel the level of contact is both disrespectful and inappropriate. Our home life is constantly invaded and there seems to be some competition going on about whether he is the father of her children first, or my Online dating millennials. I have no problem with the kids coming first - it's the constant presence of the ex that causes me difficulty. I worry that she still feels a strong attachment to him and hasn't really let him go - the situation is a cause of frequent arguments between my partner and me.
If he answers a call when I am there, I get upset or sad. I feel so helpless and am currently off work with depression, and have started seeing a therapist. My partner isn't bothered by the contact, and thinks I am overreacting. She is no Dating a man with a controlling ex wife to you Your main problem is not the level of contact your man's ex maintains with him, but your reaction to it. If he is not bothered by her contacting him, then neither should you be. Next time she calls, don't listen to their conversation and remind yourself that he is with you, not her. Take control of your emotional response to her - she will always be the mother of his children but she is still living with the man she left him for, so is absolutely no threat to you.
Try to befriend her: One sure way to drive your partner away is to keep on making an issue out of something that he does not perceive as a problem. You would like some sympathy and understanding, but you feel you have not got either. Despite this, don't let this problem become an obsession - try taking some control. Encourage - don't command - your partner to regularly call his ex-wife at a mutually convenient time to resolve any problems concerning the children. Once this checking-in process has become routine, there should be no more unexpected calls or texts. If things don't improve after a few weeks, try talking directly to his ex-wife.
You say "she has not got the message", but you haven't actually been specific with her about what you want to change, so talk to her about this. I know it is difficult, but try to focus on the good things for a while. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, taking exercise and doing all you can to counteract depression. CR, Hove Value his role as a committed father I sympathise as I was in a similar position when I met my husband, although I did not have a child before we got together. Contact from a partner's ex can feel intrusive but try to get a degree of perspective; calls once or twice a day are annoying and probably unnecessary, but are not harassment.
Acknowledge that his ex is allowing the children a good level of contact with your partner and that for that to work, you are inevitably going to have to keep in regular contact with her. Does this differ greatly from the contact your child has with his father? Perhaps that is a source of guilt that is fuelling your anxiety? Don't idealise your new "family" above your stepchildren's other "families" - the one they have with their mother and her new partner, but also the one they lost when their parents divorced. Value the fact that your partner is a committed father who not only works at a good relationship with his own children but also your son. For a stepfamily to be functional, everyone has to put up with a situation they would not necessarily choose.
I like my complex family now: And yes, the phone still rings at times when I may choose it not to. CK, via email Parenting does not end with divorce My partner also shares custody of his children with his ex-wife, but my policy is to stay firmly out of the arrangements they make, and to respect their need to talk. Parenting does not end with divorce and neither should the discusssions that go with it. If the situation is making you that miserable, talk to her about it yourself, in a friendly way.
As for worrying that she "hasn't really let him go", if leaving him for another man is not evidence of wanting to move on, I wonder what is. I am also divorced and when I left my ex, I was determined to ensure that we shared custody amicably and mantained good communications. This worked well until his girlfriend moved in - Dating a man with a controlling ex wife calls, emails, and even dropping off the kids at his house led to rows between them that were often overheard by the children. And all because she, like you, felt needlessly insecure. My ex caved in to her demand for contact to be reduced, but the result was that the kids resented Dating a man with a controlling ex wife, communication suffered, and I lost faith in him as a responsible parent.
Trust your partner, respect his parenting, and keep up the therapy. L, via email What the expert thinks When faced with a seemingly intractable problem, it is important to understand what is perpetuating it. Therefore, we need to look at what your partner and his ex may be getting out of the current situation. This may be especially true if he went through an ugly divorce, he was betrayed by his wife, or if the divorce cost him a lot of money. Although women are often portrayed as the ones likely to carry emotional baggage from previous relationships, men do too. If this is the case with the guy you are interested in, the most important thing is to not push him.
If the relationship develops in a positive direction, he may very well change his attitude towards marriage. However, if you are constantly bringing up the idea of marriage, trying to pressure him into marriage, or verbally bemoaning the fact you want to get married, you are likely going to push him away. The second thing you need to understand is that his ex-wife will always be part of his life story. He may still be in contact with his ex or he may have friends and family that are still in contact with her. Even if he has no contact with his ex, you may run into people when you are out together that bring up his ex or ask him questions about the divorce.
You cannot erase the fact he has an ex-wife. Getting irritated, mad, insecure or depressed every time her name comes up is going to ruin your relationship.
Some men go through amicable divorces and still have a peaceful relationship with their ex-wives. Just because they couldn't make a marriage work, doesn't mean they are unable to make a friendship work. You need to either be secure in yourself and your relationship or end things.